The following is satire, for those who don't understand.

"I, Niccolo Machiavelli, would like to lend my genius to solving "The Part-Time Problem" in American colleges. Part-timers are multiplying like... well use your own imagination. But we must deal with this issue in a smart way, a subtle way, a way even that they will embrace, or at least not complain about effectively....

The basic tools we need are a carrot and a stick. The carrot? It will be full-time "positions." Not full-time work, of course, because anybody can do "work." We need instead to have "positions," which sounds much classier and more special, something that not just anyone could have. Create as many of these "positions" as we can afford.

And for the part-timers who do not aspire to such positions? Those who actually prefer to work part-time so they can spend time with their kids or write a novel? Honestly, we are doing them a favor by removing them from the pain of their part-time part-lives. Like a mother bird, we nudge them out of the nest so that they can fly—somewhere else, please!

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