by Adisa Lasesco

When I was a young, wild-eyed graduate student at a small Midwestern university, I was given the opportunity to substitute for a professor away at a conference. I stood before thirty young undergraduates I had never seen before and launched into a spontaneous tirade about feminism, homophobia, and conflict theory. Running frenetically around the room, gesticulating wildly, I proclaimed the evils of heterosexual privilege and called upon the theories Karl Marx. Incredibly, and much to my surprise, my lecture was very well received, and I left the room flushed with excitement and pride.

Thus began my teaching career. Upon graduating, I interviewed for a position at a huge community college, and was hired on the spot. Although initially bolstered by the Department Head’s praise for my enthusiasm, creativity, and teaching philosophy, my feelings of self-efficacy were flattened when I was handed my textbook, standardized exams, lectures, and classroom policies. I passed the next two years delivering prewritten lectures, administering tests – which I was not permitted to grade – and implementing classroom policies that I wouldn’t have created myself.

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